The "YES"

Lord help me find what it is that I can do to really take advantage of holy time with you on any given day. I just don't put much thought into spending time or how my time is spent with God and instead of it being time set-aside, it is usually rushed and lame.

There are actually things that need to be done and I understand putting in enough prep to make rest possible. I just need help letting go of the less important tasks and prioritizing the things God wants me to. Let go of controlling every aspect and to focus on the tasks and responsibilities that will bring LIFE.

My soul desires to be who it is that God has made me to be. I desire to show for others the heart that God has given but sometimes my focus is intent on figuring out the gift He gave me that I don't remember the Giver of the Gift, the Creator Himself.

It is hard for me to keep rules and regulations, no matter if they contribute to the greater "yes" God is calling me to because I lack the self control and discipline necessary to hold to these "No's" God sets for me (or I set for myself). I'm not too sure how this is gained and this is very much related to how I have screwed up so much in the past and I how I often speak without thinking, act irrationally and frequently give into my thoughts and emotions without regard for consequences. Only when with others who are consistently better at self control am I too able to with stand temptation.

If God truly made me to be loved by Him and to love others, then only by being restful by loving out of the abundance of His grace I am likely to fulfill what God has called me to do and to truly accept His love and show that love to others. I believe essentially this leads to a life of fulfillment and joy that I have been missing. All of this would contribute to my friends, family, church and work. If I work to live out of God's abundance in every area, then my life and the lives of those around me will be significantly more full.

The only issue I see is that I will give too much, that I will do this of my own accord. That I will try of my own nature to stop being in control and try to be a giving/loving person by myself. I first need to accept God's invitation to rest and realize this so that He can change me and so I'm not once again frustrated by my own measly attempts to be more Christ like.

I know He sees me, even in my state of unloveliness - in all of the crust of sin, God sees exactly who I am made to be and who that's who He sees me as. Give me the clarity of Jesus to see others the way He sees me.